You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
