guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
