dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
