i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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