you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
