Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
