About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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