whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
