The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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