Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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