i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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