I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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