Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize