I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
