Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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