If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
