guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
