my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
