Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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