i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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