I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Holy sore nipples Batman
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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