my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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