the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize