I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
