I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I believe in your delicious
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
