Got a toothbrush?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're too hungover to prance.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
