Kiss
Puke
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
