I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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