i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
