sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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