I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
