Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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