he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
