I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
