he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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