Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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