I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
