guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
