The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
