just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
