its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Never joke about your clitoris.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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