what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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