okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
