$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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