Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
