He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
