Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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