Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
birth control should be required to get into college
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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