You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
cat food counts as protein by the way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
