i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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