She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
