Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
