I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
