Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
