Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
