Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize