Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
