dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
