The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
