put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
