I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Holy shit dude........stairs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
