Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
