I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
