Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
