rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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