Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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