Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
