i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
