woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
