his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
