I think my fart just growled at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
