God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
