He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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