my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize