I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
