There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize