I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
