I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
