Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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